Newsletter

The long unspoken rule forbidding flimsy girls from fulfilling their dreams and becoming cheerleaders for the Blue Jell-O's or the Red Gobblers has had to take a back seat to the new craze among the XPFL cheering section. Many of the once pleasingly plump cheerleading staff have taken to drastic measures to reduce the pounds and shed the extra ballast that is more of a hindrance then a help on the field. Surgical procedures, exotic diets, and clever eating practices are some of the things cheerleaders have resorted to in shedding the unnecessary pounds. Talks are even under way to admit known flimsy girls as cheerleaders for the upcoming 2004 season. Head Cheerleader Trixie Sobieck is in negotiations with the Commissioner of the XPFL to allow Clara Snell to become a cheerleader and if allowed in would break the 50 year tradition of not allowing flimsy girls as cheerleaders. Snell who weighs 85 lb. soaking wet while carrying bar bells is sought after because of her modest weight. Sobieck said in a KAT AND MICK REPORT interview that "we want Clara so we can have someone we can throw up in the air and catch, and also it would be nice to have someone on the pyramid that won't break your back." Snell who many agree would have great potential as an XPFL cheerleader has no knowledge of the request for her services.

Logan Sobieck who is considering changing his name legally to Logan Kinevil has suffered breaks in both feet on his heel bones. Logan who has aspirations of some day becoming a Hollywood stuntman was practicing a dangerous tricky stunt that will be used in the future in basketball movies. That is the hope of Sobieck, who is 15 and may not live to see his 16th birthday if he keeps going the way he is says his mother Trixie. The complicated stunt that Sobieck was working on involves climbing up on top of the basket ball hoop and working your way to the the top of the back board. Once you are standing on the top of the back board you push off and free fall feet first hitting the cement flat footed. A stunt very difficult to perform with out breaking bones in your feet as Sobieck found out. Sobieck promised the doctor that he would take it easy for a while and not put any pressure on the injured heels. If Sobieck were to break off the cracked heels surgery would become necessary and he would be immobilized with casts on both feet. In an attempt to take pressure off of his injured feet Sobieck decided to ride his motor bike around the yard so as not to put pressure on the feet as he would with his pedal bike. Sobieck does promise however that when he is "heeled" he plans a magnificent stunt with his pedal bike where he rides up a ramp and clears the ditch in one tremendous jump. The KAT AND MICK REPORT will cover the stunt when Sobieck is ready.

Bailey Prevost who in the past has been described by his mother as "barely human" is in fact a hideous beast who should be left to dine with animals rather then be in the company of rational humans. The writer of this column has witnessed his obnoxious behavior in public which raised the ire of neighboring tables. The patrons threw french fries and jeered at our table until Judy Treml took the beast by the collar and dragged him out of the local restaurant until finally when he was out of the door a loud cheer arose from the regular noon time crowd. Prevost who was brought there by Trixie Sobieck began with a disturbance when he realized there was no food waiting for him, I begged the waitress to have him seated outside by him self but she merely laughed it away and went about her business. Soon with his Baby Huey resemblance and Chucky doll teeth he was creating a disturbance that could be heard to the other side of the room at Tony Romas. We were at Players. At this point Trixie ran from the building leaving the rest of us looking at each other with a nod saying "that bitch".

Read about the Midwest Coast Offence in Unsportsmanlike Comment. That's all the news that is news, see ya.

It was a normal Wednesday afternoon when Justin and Seth were on their way home from work enjoying the waning days of summer with a ride on their motorcycles. They had made it all the way through town and were leaving the city on Ashland Avenue when the most dreaded fear of all bike riders occurred right in front of Justin. A car, a silver Alerao, pulled out from the Howard Johnson Hotel and crossed the road in front of him, Justin quickly reacted by locking up the rear brake on his bike but still skidded into the rear bumper of the vehicle. Parts of the bumper were torn off of the car yet it did not stop. Justin never lost control of the bike and remained upright the whole time but his ankle did get in between the bumper and the bike breaking two bones. The doctor says he will have to stay off of that foot for 4 weeks before he can evaluate the healing process to see if it will work without doing surgery. He is not allowed to put even the slightest pressure on it for fear that the bone in front of his ankle will refuse to mend. Even with Sobieck on heavy duty drugs he was able to describe the accident to KAT AND MICK REPORT reporters in detail remarking that he had the presence of mind to check to see if he could get the plate number of the run vehicle, but was unable to because the vehicle had no plates. At first he did not even think he was hurt, then a short time later he began to feel pain in his ankle. Seeking a ride to receive medical attention but not wanting a rescue squad to respond he asked a bystander who happened to be off duty Army Reserve to assist him by taking him to a hospital he gladly obliged and gave him a ride. He is expected to be off of work for at least six weeks. Damage to the bike is minor with the front foot guard being bent back into the engine fins. Sobieck states that the bike can be repaired easily. He also told me that the motorcycle is now for sale.

This was the weekend of the Cranberry Fest in Eagle River Wisconsin. This is a Craft Show which The Kat and Trixie have participated in for the past 8 years. For the most part the weather is crummy and I for one am glad to evacuate the show grounds and migrate to the bar for the bulk of the afternoon. This year was proved to be no exception with the ritual trek up the hill to the Tiny Tap being completed by 1 P.M. I had only two followers this year with the rest of the group opting to take a ride on a fake pirate ship cruising up and down the river. The ship was drumming up business by the craft show and boarding of the so called "ship" took place by Heckle and Jeckel Marine. I got the real scoop from Kevin who after extensive examination of the hulk explained that the actual floating part was an old house boat with a fake pirate ship nailed to the outside of the existing boat. Fake as it may be it hauled interested pirate wannabe's the whole day up and down the river. As for the weather it was not at all crummy this year, it was a bit windy on Saturday but on Sunday Trixie and I were quite pleased to sit in the Sun and watch the crowd on a beautiful day. While the booth was not too busy we were able to have fun at other people's expense, a skill I was able to pick up on from Tim Lade on a recent trip to the Northwest. Although I had trouble learning this craft at first I was amazed at how fast Trixie was able to catch on. The Cranberry Girls were wandering around and so was the Cranbear as can be seen by the photo's. The Cranberry Girls were quite talkative and provided us with colorful chatter while we snapped their photos, the Cranbear however remained silent even when asked him a question leading us to believe he was either mute or those big floppy ears were plugged with cranberries.

The new Birthday Page is up and just a reminder that the Dick and Colleen Big Halloween Party is coming up on October 30th. That's all the news that is news, see ya.